Thursday, 4 October 2012


THE DIVORCE TEST 

 TAKE THE TEST AND 
PRAY  BEFORE YOU ACT




Dr. Oren Hernandez, a Florida marriage counselor, developed an eight question "Divorce Test," which he claims can help determine if your marriage is on the right track. Is your marriage headed for divorce? Answer these 8 questions to find out if your spouse is right for you.
The questions:
  1. Money is the number one cause of arguments in our relationship.
  2.        a. Never
           b. Sometime
           c. Always
  3. Do you believe arguing is healthy?
  4.        a. Sometime
           b. Always
           c. Never
  5. We have trouble communicating with each other.
  6.        a. Never
           b. Sometime
           c. Always
  7. I'm satisfied with our sex life.
  8.         a. Always
            b. Sometime
            c. Never
  9. I trust my spouse completely?
  10.         a. Always
            b. Sometime
            c. Never
  11. Is taking time for myself in a marriage important?
  12.        a. Always
           b. Sometime
           c. Never
  13. I am worried that my spouse has the potential to be unfaithful.
  14.        a. Never
           b. Sometime
           c. Always
  15. Spirituality is important in our relationship.
     a. Always
     b. Sometime
     c. Never
The Scoring:
  • To score, count the number of `A's" you have as answers. A perfect score is all 'A's.
  • If you scored between six and eight A's - Dr. Hernandez says - your relationship is in pretty good shape.
  • If you score between four and six, Dr. Hernandez says there may be something you might want to look at. And four and below? Dr. Hernandez says, definitely question your spouse.
The key to any successful relationship is communication; by now your test results should have you and your spouse talking.

Your Happiness or Theirs?

Your Happiness or Theirs?


This statement kills me but, it really does boil down to just that.  

And so you stay.   

Because a good mother always places the needs of her children above her own.  

Unlike 99% of the male population

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

"730 Child Custody Evaluation"

California Evidence Code Section §730 ("730 Child Custody Evaluation"):
When it appears to the court, at any time before or during the trial of an action, that expert evidence is or may be required by the court or by any party to the action, the court on its own motion or on motion of any party may appoint one or more experts to investigate, to render a report as may be ordered by the court, and to testify as an expert at the trial of the action relative to the fact or matter as to which the expert evidence is or may be required. The court may fix the compensation for these services, if any, rendered by any person appointed under this section, in addition to any service as a witness, at the amount as seems reasonable to the court. Nothing in this section shall be construed to permit a person to perform any act for which a license is required unless the person holds the appropriate license to lawfully perform that act.

Tuesday, 24 May 2011



It is possible under current Family Code section 3042.  It may or may not be a wise choice for the sake of your kids, however, since it sounds as if you expect one or more of them to say things to the judge that might be make them feel as if they've betrayed their dad, chosen you over them, or that they are being placed into the middle of your dispute.  

AB 1050 passed both houses of the California legislature in August, 2010.  It becomes law on January 1, 2011 as revised Family Code section 3042.  However, it is not implemented until 1/1/2012.  Existing law required family courts "if a child is of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to form an intelligent preference as to custody, to consider and give due weight to the wishes of the children" in making custody orders.   







  • New Family Code section 3042 will require courts to permit a child who is 14 years of age or older to address the court regarding custody or visitation unless the court determines that doing so is not in the child's best interests, and in that case the court must explain that finding on the record. 


  •  When judges and family court commissioners are instructed to state their findings on the record, it can sometimes be easier for them not to error on the side of permitting the testimony - which is why such provisions are added to statutes by their supporters.  At the same time, requiring judges to state their reasoning does cause thinking judges to better evaluate the issues before them.




  •   

New Family Code section 3042 requires the court to provide an alternative means of obtaining information regarding the child's preferences if it does not allow a child 14 or older to testify as a witness. 

Either minor's counsel, an evaluator, investigators, or mediators who provide custody recommendations to the court, must indicate to the Judge whether the child wishes to address the court - and the judge is also required to ask this question.  Either parent's attorney may also make that representation to the Court, which then triggers the issue.  

According to its author, Assemblywoman Fiona Ma, current law was not sufficient because children over a certain age who had the capacity to express important preferences were routinely not allowed to testify under former section 3042.  Hence, she believed that children's wishes were ignored except through the voices of third party evaluators or minor's counsel, and even then that they were not given proper weight.  
  


There is a longstanding judicial antipathy towards the unseemingless of testimony from children, questions about the reliability of such testim 

The statute does not preclude younger children from testifying and so the law is essentially unchanged as to them - in their cases the court is not required to make findings on the record if it does not permit testimony. 

The Bill's author also stated that nothing in the statute will require a child to express his or her preference.  Instead she claims that section 3042 is strictly intended to provide a better avenue for participation in the proceedings and not to pressure children to express their wishes against their will.  

The examination of child witnesses, and to suggest alternate and less intrusive methods for obtaining the information about preferences beyond directly questioning them in court. 

Hence, at least as to your children's custody preferences, depending upon their ages, after January 1, 2012, you will likely be able to have the judge listen to them, particularly since there will be a period of confusion, especially in smaller jurisdictions, about how to manage child testimony for months to come.  

This new law gives custodial parents, which I fear if misused...   It becomes an opportunity to increase conflictual and alienating behaviors rather than a simple and useful means of allowing children a voice in the proceedings. 


The End...  




"I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then a classic case of divorce really affected me."

~Kurt Cobain  




Cobain's life changed at the age of seven when his parents divorced in 1975, an event which he later cited as having a profound impact on his life. His mother noted that his personality changed dramatically, with Cobain becoming more withdrawn. In a 1993 interview, Cobain said, "I remember feeling ashamed, for some reason. I was ashamed of my parents. I couldn't face some of my friends at school anymore, because I desperately wanted to have the classic, you know, typical family. Mother,father. I wanted that security, so I resented my parents for quite a few years because of that." After a year spent living with his mother following the divorce, Cobain moved to Montesano, Washington to live with his father, but after a few years his youthful rebellion became too overwhelming and he found himself being shuffled between friends and family. 








and we all know what happened to Kurt...  

They say that breaking up is hard to do... New California divorce laws make untying the knot a lot harder

New California divorce laws make untying the knot a lot harder

Posted: Jan 04, 2011 5:52 PMUpdated: Jan 04, 2011 5:52 PM






SAN DIEGO (CBS 8) - They say that breaking up is hard to do, and now it may cost you a lot more in 2011. According to a local attorney, the price of getting divorced could drastically rise because of new California laws on the books.
In 2005 in Northern California, Jeffrey and Marylyn Elkins got a divorce. Thirty-four of Jeffrey's written exhibits were excluded from the proceedings. He sued, and won. Now every person getting a divorce in the state has the right to speak their case in court.
Myra Chack Fleischer's law firm has handled thousands of divorces. In her own opinion, Assembly Bill 939, known as the "Elkins Legislation", is a game-changer.
"You have to do oral testimony, unless both sides opt out of oral testimony," Fleischer said.
Instead of making statements on paper, more divorcing couples will testify in court. And they won't be alone.
"They can have family members, aunts, uncles, grandparents… a 20-minute, 40-minute hearing could run into several hours," Fleischer said.
Fleischer says on average, a divorce costs between $5,000 and $15,000 and takes between six months and a year to complete.
"The judges are overburdened, they have a lot of cases, the clerks are overburdened by a lot of paperwork," Fleischer said. "Some areas are behind a couple of weeks, some areas are behind a month."
Holly Nottingham-Adams is the family court's operations manager, and she is aware of the new law.
"At this point we don't know how it's going to affect the courtrooms. A lot of people do live testimony and we just don't know," she said.
San Diego's dating and relationship coach DeAnna Lorraine says higher costs may motivate couples to save their marriage.
"Instead of resorting to divorce, they may be more inclined to stick to alternative solutions, life therapy or a trial separation or whatnot," Lorraine said.
If that's not possible, Fleischer says couples should consider mediation, arbitration and alternative dispute resolution.
"It's usually cheaper and you have your own hand in your own divorce," she said.
Fleischer says keep your eye on another new law called AB-1050, which will affect child custody and visitation by allowing children to play a more active role in testifying as well.

Monday, 23 May 2011

I know it's a shame But I'm giving you back your name



 "Sail On"  - Commodores  1979 Motown single, featuring Lionel Richie on lead vocal.


Sail on, down the line 
About half a mile or so 
And I don't really wanna know ah 
Where you're going 
Maybe once or twice you see 
Time after time I tried 
Hold on to what we got 
But now you're going 
And I don't mind 
About the things you're gonna say 
Lord, I gave all my money and my time 

I know it's a shame  
But I'm giving you back your name 

 Unlike Lionel Richie's love song...  The choice to keep or to drop your married name is that of the woman's, and not the mans.  
In ALL legal divorce proceeding, this is always the case.   

If you want it, keep it - if you don't want it then think about the kids. 
   

Giving it back is easy but, might not be in the best interest of your children.



Restoring Former Name or Birth Name as part of Divorce Decree


Generally, if you want to change your name after a divorce, you may choose one of two methods. 

1.  You may decide to change your name as part of your divorce decree or 
2.  You may change your name later by completing and submitting the proper form to your local clerk      of court.


Changing your name after divorce is to have your name change incorporated into your divorce decree.  You can ask the same judge handling your divorce to include a formal order restoring your former or birth name in the divorce decree. The judge will then make a notation about your name change so your divorce decree will contain your name change order.
You should get certified copies of the order as proof of your name change, which you'll need when you change your name on your driver's license, Social Security card, credit cards, bank accounts and any other items. Your divorce attorney, if you have one, can assist you with your name change.
Even if your divorce decree doesn't contain an order restoring your former name, you may be able to have the decree modified. You can check to see if your state will allow your divorce decree to be amended to include an order restoring your former name.
In some states like California, a name change amendment is possible even after the divorce is final. If your state allows this, you will need to amend your divorce decree by filing a request with the court. It's easiest if you have some proof of your former name, such as a birth certificate or old passport.

Marriage of Burgess - Yes you can move away!

Yes, you may move...

Paul D. Burgess (hereafter the father) and Wendy A. Burgess (hereafter the mother) were married and had two children, Paul and Jessica. Both parents were employed by the State Department of Corrections at the state prison in Tehachapi and owned a home in a suburb.

They separated in May 1992, when the children were four and three years old. The mother moved with the children to an apartment in Tehachapi; the father remained in their former home, pending sale of the property. The mother petitioned for dissolution shortly thereafter.

In July 1992, the trial court entered a "Stipulation and Order" dissolving the marriage and providing for temporary custody and visitation in accordance with a mediation agreement between the parties. The parents agreed that they "shall share joint legal custody of the children. The mother shall have sole physical custody of the children."

The mediation agreement expressly identified as "[a]t [i]ssue" the visitation schedule for the father "if the mother leaves Kern County." The parents agreed to a detailed schedule for weekly visitation by the father, as well as an alternative schedule for biweekly weekend visitation, depending on his work schedule.

At a hearing concerning custody in February 1993, the mother testified that she had accepted a job transfer to Lancaster and planned to relocate after her son's graduation from preschool in June. She explained that the move was "career advancing" and would permit greater access for the children to medical care, extracurricular activities, and private schools and day-care [13 Cal.4th 30] facilities. The travel time between Lancaster and her home in Tehachapi was approximately 40 minutes.

The father testified that he would not be able to maintain his current visitation schedule if the children moved to Lancaster; he wanted to be their primary caretaker if the mother relocated. The trial court issued a ruling providing that the father and the mother would share joint legal custody, with the mother to have sole physical custody. It retained the present visitation schedule, but provided that after June 1993, "the father will have visitation with the children, assuming the wife moves to Lancaster, on alternate weekends ... with at least one three hour midweek visitation ...."

The father moved for reconsideration and for a change in custody, alleging that the mother "has constantly used my contact with the children to harass me." The mother opposed a change in custody, alleging that the father "does not utilize all of the time with our children that is available to him now."
In July 1993, the trial court denied the motion for reconsideration, ruling that the father failed to file an affidavit stating any "new or different facts." Shortly thereafter, it held a hearing on the motion for change in custody. The father presented no testimony concerning alleged harassment.

He again testified that if his children relocated with the mother he would not be able to maintain his current visitation schedule; he sought a custody arrangement under which each parent would have the children for "about a month and a half." He also testified that he regularly traveled to Lancaster on alternate weekends, to shop and visit friends; he characterized the trip to Lancaster from his home as "an easy commute."


The mother testified that she had been working in Lancaster for four months and planned to move there. She identified several advantages to the children to living in Lancaster, including proximity to medical care and increased opportunities to participate in extracurricular activities. She also testified that the father objected to her move, at least in part, in order to retain control of her and the children. To her understanding, he did not want to change his work shift "because it keeps me in Tehachapi." She expressed her willingness to accommodate weekend visitation with the father as well as extended visitation in the summers.


In August 1993, the trial court issued an order on custody and visitation to the following effect. "The court finds that it is in the best interest of the minor children that the minors be permitted to move to Lancaster with the petitioner and that respondent be afforded liberal visitation.

Due to the [13 Cal.4th 31] complexity of the work schedules of both of the parties, who are employed by the California Department of Corrections, the court requests that a four-way meeting be held by the parties within ten days from the date of this order to work out a mutually agreed upon visitation schedule.

In the event that such a schedule cannot be worked out, then the parties are to attend mediation. [¶] The court suggests that during the summertimes and if school is on a year round basis, that respondent father be provided with 'large block of time' visitations."

The father appealed from both the order denying reconsideration and the order denying change in custody; the appeals were consolidated.

The Court of Appeal reversed. It formulated the following test for relocation cases. The trial court initially must determine whether the move "will impact significantly the existing pattern of care and adversely affect the nature and quality of the noncustodial parent's contact with the child. The burden is on the noncustodial non-moving parent to show this adverse impact."

 If the impact is shown, the trial court must determine whether the move is "reasonably necessary," with "the burden of showing such necessity fall[ing on the moving parent."

If it concludes that the move is "necessary"-either because not moving would impose an unreasonable hardship on custodial parent's career or other interests or because moving will result in a discernible benefit that it would be unreasonable to expect the parent to forgo-the trial court "must resolve whether the benefit to the child in going with the moving parent outweighs the loss or diminution of contact with the nonmoving parent."

On the facts before it, the Court of Appeal concluded that "no showing of necessity was made." "[T]he reality here is that in moving, [the mother] primarily gained convenience." It reversed the orders and remanded for further proceedings consistent with the opinion. We granted review. We now reverse.






This matter requires us to determine whether a parent seeking to relocate after dissolution of marriage is required to establish that the move is "necessary" before he or she can be awarded physical custody of minor children. In this case, a parent with temporary physical custody of two minor children sought a judicial determination of permanent custody and expressed the intention to relocate with the children from Tehachapi to Lancaster, California, a distance of approximately 40 miles. The trial court ordered that it was in the "best interest" of the minor children to remain in the physical custody of that parent even if she moved to Lancaster; it ordered "liberal visitation" with the noncustodial parent. The Court of Appeal reversed, on the ground that the custodial parent failed to carry her burden of establishing that relocating with the minor children was "necessary." fn. 1
We conclude that, in an initial judicial custody determination based on the "best interest" of minor children, a parent seeking to relocate does not bear [13 Cal.4th 29] a burden of establishing that the move is "necessary" as a condition of custody. Similarly, after a judicial custody order is in place, a custodial parent seeking to relocate bears no burden of establishing that it is "necessary" to do so. Instead, he or she "has the right to change the residence of the child, subject to the power of the court to restrain a removal that would prejudice the rights or welfare of the child." (Fam. Code, § 7501.) Accordingly, we reverse the judgment of the Court of Appeal.